For as long as I can remember, I've been convinced that there is a reason behind every occurrence in our lives. It's probably why I love the movie Serendipity so much. As the hopeless romantic Sara, Kate Beckinsale is enamored with those "happy accidents" that change our lives. Buying gloves at Bloomingdale’s introduces Sara to Jonathan... and let me tell you something: any accident that puts me on the path to John Cusack is a happy one. If you haven't seen it, run, don't walk, to the nearest redbox! Add it to your Netflix queue posthaste!
I digress.
I think it was serendipity that put me into this class at this particular point in my life. I need the course material for my teaching licensure program -- but more than that, I think I needed the nudge into a closer look at my own spirituality.
I'm delighted to report that daily meditation has become a habit for me, and I intend to continue with the practice, even though the class is drawing to a close. Even the title I chose for this blog is serendipitous: I think I have become kinder and gentler in these last 12 weeks. The difference is evident in my attitude: I'm slower to overreact, and quicker to forgive. (Oh, I still have my "moments" -- I just have to think of myself as a work in progress.)
This is not the first time that the hand of fate has intervened and provided for me, even if I didn't recognize the gift at the time. I carry two permanent reminders of my own spirituality every day: I have two small tattoos that are deeply significant. One is a starfish; it is a Christian symbol for the Virgin Mary. (Stella Maris, the star of the sea, is said to provide guidance and safe passage for travelers. I've interpreted travel in a broad sense to mean my travels through life in general.) The other is a seahorse, which is widely acknowledged as a symbol of grace and perseverance under pressure. I put a lot of time and thought into choosing these symbols before committing them to permanent placement; I love the imagery of the symbolism and the aquatic theme.
At the time, though, I had no way of knowing that I would need these very qualities to get through some rough waters. The year 2008 was full of major life changes for me: I lost a grandparent, had a milestone birthday and called off my planned wedding, all in the span of six months. I spent a good year or so adjusting to these changes, and in looking back, I realize that there must have been some divine intervention in my life. There had to have been something greater than myself at work. As Mother Teresa has said, "I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish He didn’t trust me so much." This has long been one of my favorite quotes; it seems to me that it sums up my overall relationship with faith and religion.
But perhaps the greatest effect of all is that meditation has helped grow my understanding of spirituality. I've mentioned a few times in these posts that I consider myself a practicing Catholic, and I do love my faith. However, I’ll readily admit that my spirituality isn’t limited to Catholicism.
I've been reading Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat, Pray, Love as a side companion to my meditation this semester. I'd been meaning to read it anyway, and I thought it would pair well with my own effort. While it's not going to make my list of must-read book recommendations, I found one segment particularly enlightening:
"Om Namah Shivaya. I honor the divinity that resides within me." (Gilbert 2006, 120)
My sister is getting married in June; like me, she was raised Catholic, but she has developed a slightly different relationship with faith through her own experiences. She is marrying a wonderful guy who was raised in a different denomination of Christianity. The two of them spent a lot of time and thought on how to celebrate their ceremony, and arrived at this decision: they want me to be the officiant.
I was flattered, but not sure I was up to the task. In asking me, she said that she knew I could handle the "performance" aspect of the ceremony, since I have a natural comfort level with speaking in front of people. But more importantly, she said, they want someone who knows the two of them and can help make their ceremony truly spiritually significant. My meditation and the comparative studies I've done through this class have helped me feel much more prepared for this awesome responsibility.
In my first post, I talked about being a busy girl; we've all got things that demand our time and attention and energy, every day. For me, this semester has been a potpourri of working a full-time job and taking a full-time load of classes, moving into a new apartment, traveling to my hometown at least once per month... plus the errands we all have, like grocery shopping and spring cleaning... oh, and that thing called sleep! For that reason, it took a while to adjust to carving out time for an "experimental" spiritual practice.
But that same reason is why meditation has become so important. Ten minutes a day, spent in quiet reflection, has done more to help quiet my noisy mind than a month's worth of afternoon naps. I tend to want control of my surroundings and circumstances, and in times past (for example, that fall of 2008 when everything seemed to hit the fan at once), shifts in my personal universe were a major source of frustration, fear and sadness. As I said, I have to call myself a work in progress, but the ability and willingness to "let go, let God" is starting to come easier to me.
No comments:
Post a Comment